Just Some Minor Setbacks
by THE-REJECT-LINE
Summary: Fili didn't always like Kili. But after many years away at boarding school and college, he comes home with his fiancé to plan for their wedding. Fili spots a new shy and mischievous Kili, working behind the scenes. Kili feels envious of the Fili's lover. After opening their eyes for the first time in many years, there are only just some minor setbacks that hold them from each other
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

This is just a chapter with background info. More exciting stuff to come Chapter 2! Stick around! :D psst I ship Filiand Kili so harrrdddd...

I remember the day Kili was born. It was a hot summer day; it was the kind of day where you called your friends over to sit around in a tree to drink chocolate milk. My red and blue striped shirt stuck to my little five year-old body. All of a sudden, my mother cried out like she was pregnant with not only a baby, but also with anticipation and relief.

I was ushered with my mother as we were rushed to the hospital. I waited in a dim hall with a half empty chocolate milk carton. I held the crushed cardboard box between my little pudgy hands, silently hoping for a good brother. The kind that didn't bother you and did your chores for you. He would be fun to play with and he would...

A faint baby's cry had snapped me out of my furrowed state. A few moments later, I was near my mother and a new born boy. I looked at him; he had the largest eyes. His pink mouth was half open with a gargling, endearing shriek. For some reason, I got a sinking feeling. I looked at Mother but she was too infatuated with him. With Kili. I slipped away behind the robes and scrubs of the doctors and nurses. I rushed back to my waiting chair, trying to figure out why I just...didn't like such an innocent child. I knew that he would be the kind of person who'd grow up liking matchbox cars and digging in the backyard. Why didn't I like him? Should I give him a chance?

No. He's too beautiful.

THREE YEARS LATER

Kili grew up like the happy kid he is. He had wild hair and his eyes were always glimmering with mischief. His days were filled with happy play dates with some of the other kids around the neighborhood.

When Kili came home, all of my relatives came to coo over him. His tiny hands would flail around, enchanting even uncle Thorin. Everyone congratulated Mother and me but I felt so...misplaced. Overused. Everyone noticed Kili but no one ever noticed me, Fili. It hurt. I knew that the day Kili was born, I would no longer retain all of my family's love. I would spend every waking hour of my day trying to avoid him, staying in my room to play by myself with my dart guns and plastic swords. After a lot of thrashing and yelling, pretend fighting, I'd glance outside my window. I'd often see Kili running around with his friends, digging up worms. It was the smile on my face that melted and yet froze my heart. How is it that he gets everything? He spends his entire day playing while I was postulated to do my chores. I had to make Kili's tiny bed. I would have to take the leaves, now the lawn and shovel our driveway. I am strong for my age but sometimes, I wish I could get some help.

Mother knew that I didn't like my little brother. I would do anything to get away from him as he tagged along with me, usually sent by my mom. Our mom. I don't think I hated him...he just...consumed everything that I ever had in my own life. My privacy, my own personal life. His gleaming brown hair would always seem to whip around in the peripherals of my sight. His giggle was always heard somewhere off in the distance. God dammit, can I just play with my friends without Kili? Everyday I'd have to push him out. Every time he came running by to me, asking me to play, I'd stare at his pudgy face with his side grin before I snapped at him and told him to go away.

This was the year my mother sent me to boarding school. She sent me to Durin's Elite Academy. I wasn't sure if it was to provide me with a better education or if it was because she realized how much I despise Kili. Every time he looked up from his breakfast cereal, he'd smile at me. His hair would flow over his shoulders and his little button nose evoked something within me—was it jealousy or love? I was grateful when I started packing for boarding school. It was relieving to not only because I could get a break from Kili, but also so I'd be able to breathe easy.

SIX YEARS LATER

I came home from Durin's Academy to celebrate my fourteenth birthday. I remember the long ride home, sitting in the back seat of the car in my pristine uniform. My once pristine uniform. The navy lapels and my blazer were rumpled, and the soft jerkin was dampened with sweat. My book bag, dense with school work, was planted on the seat next to me.

I don't know what I expected. A party? Just...relaxing from the constant looming fact that the presence of school is always there? I knew one thing to expect: Kili. He will probably be playing in the front yard, waiting for his older brother. I could imagine his beaming face now as he would run up to me, his stubby arms outstretched. I turned to lean my head against the seatbelt; the thought slightly sickened me.

After the sun started to turn gold and the breeze picked up, we turned to the familiar street. I have never been so...relieved. So proud. So...homesick. I wanted nothing more than to keep on driving, back and forth, upon the road that had irked so many childhood memories. I wanted to gaze upon the grandiose buildings and the pillars of the marble houses, each one with a gilded bay window or two. Large lawns sprawled across, each one seeming to connect with the next vast green space seamlessly. I wanted nothing more than to jump out of the car window and roll around in the luscious grass and gaze upon the sky, which is a brilliant cerulean.

Mom pulled up into the driveway. She turned off the engine and she turned her head to look at me.

"We'll, you're finally home," she said. She gives me an endearing smile but the most I could manage was a lethargic grunt from the long car ride. That, and the fact that Kili was about to invade my personal life once again.

I slide out of the car with my school bag. I hop up to the front doors and I was intent on a quick mission: eat cake, open presents, say thank you (I was raised with manners, thank you very much) and I just wanted to leaved. I wanted to go to a place where I could be left alone.

Kili had always been the center of everyone's life. Ever since he came into this world, I was pushed to the edge of the big picture. He was more beautiful, more skilled, more clever. He was perfect, while I was the grumpy older sibling. I looked like a family reject next to him. I wanted to forget about him. He's the very bane if my life; my toxin; my poison. He was the one thing that pushed me out and away from this place.

I step inside and immediately the scent of vanilla cake hits my nose. A few items were casually wrapped, resting on a side table. I glanced around. It has been six months since I've set been here—it was for winter vacation. I set my bag down and I cautiously walk in. No, there wasn't any party, it was just an empty house. An almost empty house. Uncle Thorin came out from around the corner, followed by Kili. I mustered up a smile for uncle Thorin, but I couldn't help but cringe as Kili came wheeling around the corner, barreling towards me.

"Filiiiii! Yay you're home!"

Again, another grunt. He grabs my leg and tightly winds himself around me. I blow a long strand of blonde hair away from my face as I continued walking. I headed straight for the living room, where I planned on sitting in a puffy couch to close my eyes and relax. However, three's a crowd—everyone gathered around me to hear about the latest news. Anything.

"So how is everything at school?" Thorin asks. He shuffles around anxiously with a broad smile on his face.

"Everything's fine," I reply haughtily. "Just school, you know? Tests…projects."

"That's good, that's good. You're getting all A's, right?" He gives me a slight punch to the arm. I pretend that it didn't hurt, only grimacing a bit.

"Yeah, I think so. Hope so."

"Do you have a girlfriend yet?" he asks, poking fun at me. I think he likes seeing me turn all red and squirm around in my seat, like he wants me to burn up from embarrassment right there and then. I'd be gone from his life—poof! But that's okay, because they still had Kili, right?

Speaking of Kili—he sits perched halfway up on my left knee, looking up at me with those big eyes of his. His little pink mouth is half open, and he carefully takes in what I'm saying. His face contorts a bit at the mention of a girlfriend.

"Ewww, girlfriend," he says. "Fili can't have a girlfriend, because he's all mine," he casually says. He gives me a smile.

Okay, I have to admit. He got me there.

Just then, Mother called us over to the dining room. I was thankful for that release to an uneasy situation.

The three of us rush over to where a neat little cake was, plopped on top of a silver platter. Fourteen red candles were tucked into the moist cake, each one topped with a flame. Wax started to melt into my cake, so I quickly blew them out without tradition. I crossly took a knife to serve myself a slice. I then take it with me to the front doorstep, where I eat it in the sun.

I savored the soft icing and the cake, and I watched the clouds roll in. The skies were quickly turning grey and the sun disappeared. It was nice having time to myself; at the Academy, people were constantly swirling around you. Everything was in place, and it was just you that felt….out of place. I wanted nothing more than to be alone, part of my own world. A constant breeze blew my hair around, and the heavens darkened with every passing second of my presence.

"Dis, there is something wrong with that kid," I hear. Thorin. My mind is split—should I listen in, and figure out my missing pieces? Or should I just close my eyes and lean back to shut it out and remain carefree?

I shut my eyes to try and relax. But I couldn't help it—my ears were always wide open. "What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with him," I hear my mom say.

"There's something off about him. He's gotten cold. He used to be such a nice, open child when he was younger."

"Yes, I get it. He's probably just homesick."

"No. It's Kili. He's changed ever since Kili was born. How can you not notice?"

"Well, yes. That's why I sent him to boarding school."

I hear a deep sigh. Suddenly, I can't stand it anymore. I stand up and I casually walk inside. Uncle Thorin and Mother look at me, and I give them a terse nod. I set my plate into the sink and I find myself walking quickly upstairs. I strip off my uniform, glancing at the fancy fabric and embroidering. It was the one thing that sent me away and segregated me. I take a shower with tears leaking out of my eyes. I tried to convince myself that this was just my average teenage angst phase, but I couldn't help but feel like the biggest reject of all-time. Sent away from my own family. I sniff back my runny nose and wipe my face vehemently before turning off the water.

I put on some new musty-smelling clothes from my drawers. Tomorrow, I'll be leaving. I'll get out of this place. I drag myself to my bed and pull the covers over me.

I'm such a pathetic mess. A low grumble from the grey blanket in the sky replied, almost agreeing with me. Then, downpour. Stinging pelts of rain splattered my surroundings, blurring out the window. A sharp crack of lightning illuminates the entire maelstrom, and then an ear-splitting bang of thunder nearly causes me to fall off of my bed. I bury my head under my pillow to shut everything out.

As I'm about to drift off, a pair of arms encircle my waist.

"Fili, I'm scared," a small voice murmurs. Kili.

My eyelids feel surprisingly heavy. My limbs were fatigued.

"I'm lonely Fili."

I was too tired to fend him off. His little arms barely made it around my midsection, but he held on tight. A loud rumble of thunder made him wrap around me like a piece of ivy, clinging and conforming to me. I felt his little form pressed up against me; the picture of a mother sloth with a baby precariously clinging to her is the last thing I think of before I start to fall asleep.

That was the first, but not the last time he'd be sleeping with me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Please review guys! I'd like to know what you guys think of this!**

I could feel my sweat drenching the collar of my navy graduation robe. My neck felt like it was being branded by a hot piece of iron. I could feel myself getting sunburned. I readjust my cap so it creates a shadow to fall over my collar. The tassel tickled the nape of my neck. I turn to my friend next to me who is chatting excitedly about something. I nod and smile. _I'm finally going to be out of this stupid boarding school._

At last! The graduation starts. Valedictorians speak and then polite clapping. I plaster a sweaty smile onto my drenched face which I discreetly try to wipe off with my practically waterproof sleeve. Then the headmaster drones on talking of progress and what an honor it has been to have and nourish such great students. _Great, my ass. I'm finally getting out of this wretched place. _I reflect back on my previous four years here. I remember pulling pranks on some of the scrawny kids, even the teachers, hell! That was fun. But for most of my years, I was a straight-A kid. I remember prom, and how I got _so _wasted. I remember my first hookup. I remember homecoming and playing for the great soccer team. I can easily recall battling my friends during band class with my trombone.

Thunderous applause erupts and I find myself being pulled out of my montage. I practically clap until my hands sting. Then, an agonizing period of time where people file up to receive their diplomas. Smiles. Handshakes. I hear my name and then I amble my way towards the people that have ruled this hell. I grab my diploma and I smile out into the crowd, looking for Dis and Thorin. Look! There they are! They sit in one of the pristine white lawn chairs in the far back. Mom wears a pair of enormous shades and I see the Thorin has trimmed some of his beard. As I make my way down from the raised platform, my breath hitches and I nearly tumble down the stairs.

Kili.

The last time I remember seeing him was two years ago. I think. I don't know. I probably saw him more recently, but maybe he didn't really stick out to me. He was always hiding in the shadows; he was a wallflower. But today, he was wearing a plain, light blue button down with a bright red bowtie Mom probably stuffed him in. His dark hair was a little mussed up. His face was shiny with sweat and with a band of pinkness spreading across the bridge of his nose and spilling over his cheeks. His hands rested lightly on his knees and his chin was raised as he was twitching almost nervously. He fidgeted a bit and looked around.

I make it back to my seat, feeling a bit dazed. It's been _too _long since I've seen Kili. It's like…he's not even my brother anymore. That we were just a pair of gloves lost in the summer in a chest full of childhood memories. Kili looked…astonishing. His jaw was more chiseled and his lips were pink, and they were shaped perfectly. His eyes held great clarity even from afar and that red bowtie…

I am flustered for the rest the ceremony. People snap their fingers at me to bring me 'back to Earth'. Congratulations. Good job. You made it! Chuckles. Smiles. Hand shakes. Back pats. I just find myself gravitating towards wear Thorin and Dis were sitting. _And Kili. _My God, he's beautiful! He has always been handsome, but he went from a scrawny, annoying child to a reserved young man. I wonder how school is for him. I am suddenly curious about what kind of sports he plays. Is he musically talented? What is his favorite subject in school? Does he have a girlfriend?

I approach Mom and Thorin and I see that they are quietly chatting. To my disappointment, I don't see Kili anywhere.

"Where's Kili?" I quickly ask.

"He's over by the refreshments," Dis says. She caresses my shoulder with her soft hand. "How do you feel, Fili?" she asks gently. She almost seems worried about me at such an incongruous time, but I shake the notion off with only one person on my mind.

I shrug. "I feel fine. I'm thirsty. I think I'm going to get something to drink." Before my mother or uncle can object, I hand over my diploma to my mom and tuck my graduation cap under my arm. On my way to the long table with a wide spread of food, I am confronted by my friends and their parents. They are simply just mere obstacles from my current goal. I try my hardest to remain still and not rush my answers as I respond accordingly to probing questions and cheesy jokes. When the last parent I know leaves and I say my farewells and 'good lucks' to my fellows, I make a run for it. Well, not literally. But I speed walk over to where he is, casually sipping apple juice from a clear cup.

He's looking in another direction, so he doesn't see me hurriedly approaching. His lips part open a bit before he brings the cup back to take a sip from it. Then he breaks out into a smile.

For a few moments, my heart lifts. It soars. And then it comes crashing into the unforgiving ground as I realize his pink lips and perfect dimples weren't for me. A girl in a yellow dress hops into his arms and then…

They pull in for a kiss. I slowly backtrack, scoffing a bit before I actually break into a jog away from them. The intimacy they had created a pang in my heart. It was strange seeing that Kili in fact, was someone I hardly seemed to know anymore.

I head back to Dis and Thorin.

KILI

Mom insisted that I button my shirt all the way up and that I should wear a red bowtie that rivaled an emergency signal during an inferno within a hospital. Not to mention I was really sweaty and my back was dripping with sweat.

My brother's graduation took forever under the relentless sun. I saw Hope in her yellow lace dress that complemented her chestnut hair perfectly. She always looked perfect. Her head was held with a quiet confidence and her nape led flawlessly into her smooth shoulders and her tan back. Her brother also happened to be in the same school and class as Fili.

I wasn't sure what I felt when I saw Fili. Every time I see him, or even _think _about him, I'd always think back to that night when we were young during that thunderstorm. I remember curling up next to him, burying my nose into where his neck met his shoulder. His loose blonde hair was ruffled against my nose, and I could feel the steady rise-and-fall of his body as he slept. He felt so…comfortable. He felt so right.

And here he is, four years later. He definitely grew up. He filled out, and his body was now as sturdy as a stone wall. He got taller and his face was a little more chiseled. He was more serious, and there was gravity around him.

Fili is the god of my idolatry. Or at least he was. After that night, I woke up to a cold spot next to me on the bed. He left without saying goodbye. I remember spending last night lying awake and clinging onto Fili, thinking about what games we'd play together the next day or what toys I'd show him. I admired him _so much_ that it almost hurt when he rejected me to shut himself into his room, discarding me. He was my older brother and I loved him.

And when I grew up, dreaming about him and thinking about his strong back and slim waist pressed against my body, it was intense for me. I seemed to lust after him, but I denied that fact. He was my brother.

When I got older, I thought about him less. He was there for my middle school graduation, but he just held a deadpan expression the entire time and blew me off every time I tried to talk with him. That hurt. And eventually, I just…stopped trying.

I guess Hope basically took over my life, in a good way. She was there for me from school projects to lunch to just…feeling down. Down and out. She was my best friend, my companion, my confidante. I trust her immensely because I knew that she would never throw me out, and she would never turn me away.

Seeing Fili was like a feast for my eyes. I filled my sight with him and every aspect of him—the way his gown hung over his broad chest and shoulders, his stance, his gliding gait. Then I quickly turned my eyes away, remembering the things he has done to me. And the friendship he never offered. Why should I worship him when he casts me out like a puppy into the cold rain?

I avoid confrontation with him when the entire speech comes to an end. I head over to the refreshments table when I catch Hope's eye and I nod. She makes her way over.

I feel her arms circle around me and she smile, her button nose and green eyes all pointing towards me. She pulls me in for a deep kiss.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a tall man in a navy robe make his way over. The moment my lips brush against Hope's, I see him back away. I wonder who that was. Was it Fili? No, it couldn't be. He practically hates me.

I pull Hope to me and I take her back to Mother and Uncle Thorin, where I hope to introduce her to them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys! Sorry for the really irregular updates. I'll be updating every one to two weeks (most likely two). I'm actually really busy this summer, I'm sorry. Thank you for the great reviews! I really want to write this story, but sometimes I just…feel lazy. Unmotivated. I dunno. Well anyway, enjoy! **

KILI

Hope loops her hand through mine and I take it. We walk to where Mom is, along with Thorin and…

Fili.

Okay. I have to play it cool now. I take a deep breath and I push back my hair a bit. As I close in on them, I begin to worry whether or not my shirt is unwrinkled, if my bowtie is lopsided or if my hair looks okay.

"Oh hi, KIli! Congratulate your brother," Mom says when she sees me. She flashes me a strained smile.

I see Fili turn around. As I step towards him, I suddenly realize that I only go up to the bottom of his chin. His chest is like a barrel and I seem to be encased in his shadow.

"Congratulations, Fili," I mumble. I look down at my shoes as Fili continues to tower over me. I glance up, and suddenly, all of those feelings came back to me in one sharp intake of a breath. I find myself staring at him, looking into those molten liquid eyes.

Sweaty nights. Tangled sheets. Tears. Tissues building up in the small trashcan next to my bed. All of my toys pushed into a corner, thinking that I would be a big boy. Thinking that I would be good enough for Fili. How after my middle school graduation, I shut myself into my room, breaking down into tears until _he_ left back for the Academy. How is it that he's the world to me, but I'm nothing to him? It's like…we're complete strangers.

Hope must've noticed the weird reaction I was having. She squeezed my hand. I jerk my head towards her, seeing that she gives me a concerned look. I ever-so-slightly shook my head and give her a small smile.

"Well, this is Hope. Hope Walton," I state. I turn to Uncle Thorin and Dis. Hope walks over to shake their hands and welcomes them with one of her sunny smiles.

FILI

_What the hell just happened? _Kili comes over with a girl, and then he mumbles a few words. And then…what? We were both lost in some kind of fantasy, with a sprinkle of angst, world. I _saw _him, I seemed to have pried him open. I was lost in his perfection and surprised by the _pain _behind his eyes. He was my little brother. I…I need to protect him. I had the sudden urge to run my hand through his hair to smooth it down and I wanted to reach down to straighten that cute little bowtie of his.

That's when the entire atmosphere shifted. In less than a blink of an eye, this…_Hope _girl decides to shove her face in front of everyone.

Walton though. Huh. She doesn't happen to be related to Lucas Walton? I suppress a chuckle as I think back to our shared, shining, glorious moments. If Kili somehow ended up with Hope, it wouldn't be so bad. I'd have Lucas as my brother in law. A slight twinge started to grow in my stomach.

Hope lays a hand on Kili's forearm and Kili rest a hand around her waist. What am I doing? I suppress the strange feeling in the pit of my body. I don't care about Kili and his love life. He can do whatever he wants. What do I have to do with it? I scoff.

We all return home, with Hope leaving Kili in one last tight, too-long embrace. We cram into Dis' SUV and we make the long trip back.

I shed off my robe and I place my cap in my lap. I find that I am stuck in the back with Kili, as Uncle Thorin is in the front with my mom, who is driving.

So…another four years for me. I'm off to Erebor University, majoring in neuroscience. I won't be going off until another three or four months, so I'll just be sticking around for a bit. Maybe I'll go on vacation, take a nice long trip to somewhere down south. That would be nice. I stretch in my seat and I start to buckle up. I notice that Kili sits far from me, his head cupped in his chin. His entire back is almost facing me as he is already staring out the window.

When the last colors in the sky begin to fade away, I look to my right to once more stare at Kili's light blue, pinstriped back. He's slumped over, freely rocking with every motion of the car. I reach over and I lightly tap him on the shoulder. No response.

For some reason, I think about the color yellow. Not just any yellow, Hope's dress, light yellow. I think about color schemes and how the light pastel blue and the fading buttery-ness seemed to look good together. A strange pang in my heart formed. I'm…lonely. Even with the people I had in high school, I felt insatiably lonely. Something. If my heart, stomach, lungs and all of my vital organs had a color, they'd be black. If they had physical form, it would be a piece of clay pottery brutally smashed into a million pieces.

Wait a minute. I know. I just need a girl. Like Kili. She will be the most understanding, passionate, intelligent woman anyone will ever meet. Even Kili will be jealous.

Oh my god. I did not just think that.


	4. Chapter 4

TWO YEARS LATER

We bustle in with a flurry of snowflakes, cashmere, and lipstick. We quickly shut the door behind us.

"I'm hooommmee!" I bellow. Jackie giggles and her fire-n'-ice red lips spread into a smile.

I see Dis coming through the archway and out into the foyer. When she sees me, her face lights up and her arms spread open and I am crushed in a mother-hug.

"Finally! Oh, Fili, we've been waiting for you! And I see you've brought a special someone with you," she exclaims. She tweaks my cheek a bit. Jackie and I shed our coats and scarves and we walk into the cozy warmth of my home. In our thick, wooly socks, we pad our way into the dining room where everyone is already seated. Uncle Thorin sits at the far end with his good friend Bilbo. I see that a plaid beige scarf is draped over the back of the head seat. I guess that's where Dis will be sitting. I see that Kili is complacently sitting to her left.

I find that my spot is right across from Fili, with Jackie next to me. I am a bit surprised that I don't see Hope anywhere. What a shame. I smirk, and I lace my hands with Jackie's as we take our seats. I quickly flit my eyes across from me. Kili's face is turned down into his lap, his face a stone mask. His little pink lips are set in a deep line and his eyes seem half-lidded. His hair is a bit wild, like how it used to be when he was young.

I vaguely hear what everyone else is talking about. I see lips moving, smiles, laughter, but everything is fuzzed out and blurry. Bilbo is joking around with Thorin, and Jackie is bantering around and sometimes I see her mouth her concentration, or and I watch her lips form _a year. _One year. That's how long we've been dating. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kili shift slightly. He seems so aloof, like we're segregating him: adults and kids. I know Kili's not a child anymore. He's turning eighteen in two months. I'm conflicted. What do I do? Talk to him? It hurts my heart to see him so…quiet.

I pretend to join in with Jackie and I lean forward on my elbow and I slap a smile onto my face. I am still keenly looking at Kili; he's slipping out of my peripheral vision, but I do notice that he looks up briefly. Dis has come in with the food.

The 'adult' side of the table continues talking. She set's down a few dishes and then she takes her seat. We all dig in. While our mouths are full and we are muffled for a few moments, Dis starts talking. She chooses a subject that we have not discussed yet. It is a subject that I doubt has even crossed anyone's mind.

"So Kili, how are your archery lessons going?" she asks. Archery? Who would've guessed. I mean, his arms have gotten leaner and his stance is more pronounced, wider, and proud, but…he could've been a golf player? All eyes suddenly turn to Kili.

"Fine," he says. He doesn't even move. He didn't even lift up his head. His words were clipped, and somehow, some string beans magically got onto his plate.

"Tell us about your competitions," our mother urges him on. "Tell them how good you are." Her voice is soft, almost pleading.

"They're fine._ I'm _fine." Again, another terse answer. A hush falls over the room.

I find myself speaking up before I could stop myself. "Archery?" I scoff. "That's cool. I can see where you get all of your…bulk." I smirk, and I get down to cutting my turkey.

"Fili!" Dis exclaims. Her tone is hushed but she might as well have been spitting acid.

"What? Why can't Kili play a real sport?" I lean forward to put a piece of broccoli into my mouth when I hear a chair scrape. I notice Kili's spot is now empty.

We all sit in silence for a few moments, hearing the soft thumps of Kili's feet as he bolts upstairs. Strange. I shrug and continue eating.

"Fili! Go up there and apologize right now!" my mother hisses at me. I glance over to Jackie, who seems a bit worried. I look at Thorin who carried a stern look on his face. I sigh. I nod. I push back my chair and I take slow strides as I go to chase after Kili.

KILI

I see him walk into the dining room, taking his seat right across from me. He walks in with some girl on his arm, dressed in a red sweater dress and a fuzzy scarf. Her lips are hot red with ashy brown hair falling over her face. By Jove, it's like they think they're so great, or movie stars, something.

And then there's me. Isolated. Like I'm truly not good enough for them. They talk and laugh. My face heats up as I sit there, unmoving while everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. _I wish Hope was here. _I feel tears start to pool over my eyes for a second before I rapidly blink them away. _She was so young…why me? _I could still remember inhaling the white roses at her funeral. They finally got the drunk driver and arrested him for homicide, but that didn't even quell the anger, sadness and hurt in me.

Then the conversation suddenly turns to me. I know Mom means well and she wants to make me feel like I'm part of something. But I won't ever be standing with them, at least not Fili. I wish they could leave me alone.

I only give terse answers. Then, Fili goes and bashes the one thing that has kept me sane. Archery is the only thing I have passion for now.

I just remember my feet hitting thirteen stairs as I dive onto my bed. I bury my head into my pillow and I softly weep. I feel my body shake a bit and my pillow cover starts to feel a bit damp.

I hear another set of footsteps follow me up.

"Leave me alone!" I yell. It's muffled by my thick pillow.

The door opens behind me.

"Kili, I'm…sorry." I stop shaking for a moment, my tears still dripping out of my eyes. _Fili? _

"What do you want?" I murmur. He's the last person I want to see. He's half the reason for my pain and the reason why I tried to overdose on pills two months ago. It's like no one is there to watch out for me.

"I just wanted to apologize," I hear him softly say. I feel the mattress sink down to my right and the bed creaks a bit. I feel his warm, broad hand on my shoulder as he continues talking. I just lie there, almost suffocating. I feel like a cardboard cutout as he makes contact with me.

"I know that I'm your older brother and I should really respect what you do. And look after you. Sorry." I feel him lift his hand off. I hear him turn and leave. He's probably taken two steps before I lift my head, resting my chin on the pillow. "You _are _my brother. I thought you loved me." I then bury my face back into my pillow. I felt my heart tear a bit in the corner. So that's it then. Fili will apologize and say sugarcoated words but he won't even comfort me or love me.

That's when everything goes still. Fili stops. I feel the strands of my loose brown hair fall over my face. I go to sit up and I wipe my face with my sleeve.

"Kili, we aren't little kids anymore you know," I hear him softly say. After the silent moment stretched out like melted taffy, we knew that we were both thinking the same thing. We were both thinking about the night of Fili's fourteenth birthday when I curled up with him in bed, afraid of the maelstrom outside. I could remember his tense body, his scent. I felt safe that night. I felt like Fili finally truly liked me.

"I…care for you Kili. I want you to be happy," he quietly goes on.

"Do I _look _happy to you?" I say. I clench my teeth and my mouth forms into a sneer. I felt like pouncing on him, unsheathing claws or brandishing a blunt cudgel to just…knock him down. How is he so blind? Does he think ignorance is bliss? That he'll be happy if he pretends I'm not there?

"No. I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that but—" I stop to gasp, inhaling deeply when a new wave of tears bursts from me "—but you don't mean it. Don't ever say it again." A heavy sob wracks my chest and I fall head first into my comforter.

My heaves and sniffs fill the room for a bit. Then Fili shifts; I hear him maybe straightening out his sweater or something. "So archery, huh?" I hear him say. His tone feels light, playful.

"Fuck off." Archery is serious. It's not just some hobby I do. Fili talks about it as if I was going to go to a Boy Scout meeting.

"Well, do you have any competitions coming up? I think I'd like to go," I hear him hesitantly say. For some reason, it feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

"Well, yeah. Next week. It's not like you're going to be sticking around or anything though…" I grumble.

"Actually, I will be."

I peek out from my blanket. I cock an eyebrow.

"Jackie and I are planning our wedding."

WHAT.

I flop over onto my stomach. After years of trying to be his number one, I find that that spot has finally been occupied. I'm still unranked.

**Please review guys! And I guess I'm going to update around every Friday/Saturday. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Next chappie in a week! Whoo! haha**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews! Hope you guys are enjoying your night :D and just to like, recap in case all of the years have gotten confusing:**

**Fili is 21 and Kili is 16(Ugh, sorry, I messed it up the last chapter. Kili is SIXTEEN). Jackie is the same age as Fili. Fili proposed to Jackie and their wedding which will take place in ten months during around early-winterish, and their wedding is in the process of being planned. **

**And, I apologize for any archers out there. I know nothing about archery, so if you want to give me pointers or tips or need me to fix anything regarding that, tell me! **

"Jackie and I are going to be out tonight," I say. We're enjoying a small, casual dinner late in the night. Thorin has to do work and Dis is currently out at some fancy, late party. It's only me, Kili and my fiancée, Jackie.

I see Kili nod out of the corner of my eye. He doesn't seem as mopey as two nights ago, but still…there's something missing from him.

"Sorry, I know it's kind of late, but um…at least you have the whole house to yourself," I mutter. I quickly finish my dinner, and I see that Jackie is almost done too. After a few moments, I find myself walking out of the door with Jackie. She tenderly wraps a scarf around my neck, but I feel her ridiculously long nails scrape my skin a bit. I pull a hat over her head and then we head out into a light flurry.

I take my car to a hotel. We pull up into a brightly lit hotel about twenty minutes away from home. We hop out and check into a quiet room.

As we begin to undress, Jackie starts to say something.

"Finally, your brother's gone. How can you stand him?" she whispers into my ear. She begins to peel off my long-sleeve crew top while I strip her of her garments too.

My hands suddenly stop. I feel like I should defend him but, but what? I mean, he is annoying. Or was. Gah. What am I saying? "Well…" I begin, but I get cut off with an aggressive kiss.

I lay on the white sheets. I notice the digital clock, a faint blue haze next to the cheap TV, flash just a bit before 1 am. I feel the steady throb of Jackie's beating heart and her easy breathing. One of her delicate hands is resting on my bare chest. I was always kind of stocky; my chest is broad and covered in a fine sheen of peach fuzz. Jackie's other hand is buried in my short, cropped blonde hair.

Well. That was fine. Just the usual I guess. Strip. Tease. Thrust, moan, collapse, sleep. Jackie climaxed without me, but she gave me a blowjob. Which wasn't so bad, but I wish that she would care about _my _desires too. I mean, at least make it _seem _like you're enjoying giving your fiancée some pleasure.

I reach over to pull the covers over me. The heavy scent of musk and something feminine fills the room. In a tangle of sheets and comforters and two entwined bodies, I finally drift off.

KILI

I have the entire house to myself. Now what? I slowly finish my dinner, chewing methodically. We were eating in the dining room again, but the room has lost its cheery elegance. I'm lonely. The chandelier gave off an eerie glow and the vibrant walls suddenly seemed…small. I take a few more bites and I push the rest of my dinner away.

I make my way upstairs and I collapse on my bed. I'm surprisingly bored. Damn, I wish I brought my archery equipment home. I could probably shoot around the house. I glance over at a poster that Fili gave me a long time ago. It's riddled with holes along with the dry wall behind it.

I glance around the room. It's small, but comfortable. My desk is cluttered with some archery gloves and books. A few old comics lay on my chair. Dirty clothes are strewn around. My bed is unmade as usual, but the crumpled comforter makes a nice pillow for my head.

I try to keep my mind off of what Fili might be doing now with Jackie. I could assume the best, and they're just at some nice restaurant on some date. But everything that the couple did and the way they were dressed suggested the worst: they are obviously going to rent a room and go at it. I groan and I turn to bury my face into my bed. I don't know why it bothered me so much but...I feel like Fili is being soiled.

The thought of his hips and the erratic movements that they would make and the blush that would cover the bridge of his nose and high cheekbones seemed to stir my loins a bit. I could just imagine the slap of sweaty thighs…and him reaching over to stroke my…no. This is so wrong. Fili is my brother. So why do I feel so aroused? I guiltily found myself reaching a hand down. I unbutton my pants.

Wait. What am I doing? Am I really going to jerk off at the thought of…? No. I take my hand out and button my pants again. I can't help rutting against my sheets like a dog in heat though, as I tried to think of something else, anything else. Hot girls who are really busty. The hottest girl in the grade. My boxers were sticky in only a few minutes; am I really aroused that much by the thought of…? I change out of my underpants and toss them onto the floor. I grab another pair and I hop back onto my bed. With a tug of my comforters, I'm ready to sleep.

I wake up at the usual time. 7 AM. I throw on a pair of slacks and a simple crew neck shirt. I grab my gloves off of the desk and I run downstairs to eat something quick. I snatch the keys off of the counter and I run down to the garage. I hop in and I'm off to the archery range.

It's a quick ten minute drive. As I pull into the parking lot, I can't help but feel the stirrings of a positive emotion…peace maybe? Happiness? I turn off the engine and I slide out. I pull on my archery gloves, even before I get into the range. I saunter up to the door and I enter in like I own the place. I almost do. This place is all to myself; no one else comes in her this early except for the people who maintain it.

I head past the foyer and I go to the office of my mentor, Krista. I flip on the lights as I enter the room, and my eyes immediately zoom to her pristine desk. Good. My bow is right where I usually leave it. Even though I often see it almost every day, whenever I see my bow, I can't suppress a strange feeling of pride that grows in my stomach. The entire design is so simple, so sleek. It's not like one of those fancy ones with all the gauges and scopes; no, mine is a simple, traditional bow. The string is just hemp. It does fray a lot and I do have to change the bowstring more often, but the roughness of the material allows me to hold onto something, not let it sit in between my fingers like a ghost.

I go down the hall. Strange, it's usually dark in the range…? I see the lights have already been turned on. That's unusual. The large room with the targets is usually left dark until many people enter, considering that it uses up a lot of electricity to light up. I cautiously walk over.

I peek my head through the doorway. I see a figure, maybe 150 meters away. She has short, flowing blond hair. I can't tell what type of bow she has or anything, but she's…she can improve. It's a little hard to see her and examine her form a little closer, but she must be quite new at the art. I've never seen her before.

I slowly walk onto the scene. I go to the corner and I pick up a small quiver of arrows. I go to the target closest to me—it's just a mere 10 meter target. I easily land all bulls-eyes with that one, with great tension. The propinquity og the colored target makes me feel closed in. Gradually, I found myself gravitating down the procession of boards and before I knew it, I was just a few feet away from the girl.

A bead of sweat drips down my forehead. I can feel it trickle over the curve of my temple and down my cheek. I can feel the release of the drop and is plops onto my neck. My shoulders and back hurt slightly and my arms are straining. I close one eye. Focus. I steady the arrow. I run the inner knuckle of my finger over the string, feeling it. I let go.

With a solid thump, it lands on the dot. I lower my bow and grin. Today was a pretty good training session.

"Wow, you're really good!"

I turn to my right and I find myself facing the mysterious girl. Was she watching me this entire time? She has wavy blonde hair that falls just past her shoulders and the most stunning eyes—I can't tell if they're grey or just icy blue. Her smile is wide, but it is…cute too.

"Um, thanks," I quietly say. I feel my face heat up a bit and I fumble around with my bow.

"So how long have you been doing this? Archery?" she asks. She's so enthusiastic it almost scares me. _Who is this girl? _

"Well, I think around three years," I hesitantly say. I cast my eyes to the ground as I wait for her to say something.

"Cool! I've started when I was fifteen," she responds. Once again, that happy tone and that smile.

I cock an eyebrow. She can't be any older than fourteen? She only came up to my shoulders. "And how old are you now?" I'm quite curious.

"Sixteen."

Oh. So she's the same age as me. And she's just had one year of experience.

I nod and I tell her that I am going to leave her to her practicing. What a strange girl—is she enthusiastic about all of this? Training? No one else comes this early.

I walk back to grab a bottle of water. I stand behind a large window as I rest and take a sip. I see her at one of the shorter ranges. She knocks back an arrow, and I see her setting it. I see her grit her teeth a bit, and her entire arm tenses up and her shoulders rise. _No, no no no no! _She holds it a little below her eye…She lets go and the bow shits slightly to the right as she lets go. Then, she pulls in her wrist, cradling. Of course; her hand got whipped from the string.

Before I scream just from how bad that was, I find myself calmly walking over to her. I shake my head slightly as I take the bow from her.

"You're holding it wrong," I blatantly state to her. I hold her small bow and I take my position. "See, relax your shoulders a bit more. And it has to be at eye level. Make sure your stance is comfortable and steady, and turn to your less dominant side a bit more when you pull back." I hand the bow back to her.

She eagerly takes it back from hands and she fiddles around with her stance some more; I see her wiggle her left foot a few times and loosen up her shoulders. "Like this?" she asks. I nod.

"Now, when you pull back an arrow…" I grab an arrow, and I hold my hand out for the bow, which she hands over. "You have to make sure you align it properly, like this," I say as I demonstrate for her.

She nods, and I hand the bow back over. _I should really just get my bow—_"Now what?" she asks. I see that she has taken the position and grip that I showed her. I tweak it a bit—I nudge her foot in with mine, lace my fingers with hers so she's holding the arrow in the best position. I place a hand on her waist and one on her shoulder so she is angled at the correct position. When I glance back over to her, I see that her lips are tugged up in the corners a bit. _Why's she smiling? Archery is some serious stuff. _

"Now, when you pull back the arrow, make sure your body is aligned properly. Don't tense up so much and—"

"Can you help me? I seem to have trouble doing that," she murmurs to me over her shoulder.

She does seem to have some trouble holding the arrow pulled back, so I walk over. How should I do this? She needs the strength to hold it back, not the form or the idea of the arrow and the string. So I walk up behind her and I place my arm next to hers. I place my hand over her tiny one, and I focus on the tip of the arrow. I can feel her heat from here, and her blond hair smells like watermelon.

"Like this," I say. I turn to look at her and I suddenly notice that we're…too close. Her eyes…are like a blossoming flower. They look like Fili's. I quickly step back and I nod. Whew. Okay.

"When you release," I call out to her, "relax your grip. Just don't hold onto it so tightly. It's okay if you just let it fall."

After a few agonizing moments, her still figure suddenly snaps to life. The arrow is released, a loud _thunk _is heard. We stare at the target for the results.

Before I know it, I have a pair of tightly-wrapped arms around my middle. "Thank you so much! Yes! This is so great!" I look down to see her beaming at me. I look over to where she was just standing. Her bow is on the ground and I see the white-feathered arrow protruding from the center of the target. It wasn't directly on the yellow dot, but the arrow was touching the edge of it. It's not bad, but there could be room for improvement.

I notice she pulls away. "Well, thanks. I never got your name," she asks. Her smile is officially out of control now.

"Oh, ha, well I'm Kili," I shyly respond.

"I'm Emmy," she says. Then she goes back to her training. I see that she has made some slight improvements.

Well, now that's over. I can finally go home in peace. I glance back over my shoulder and I see that she's making an effort to make sure her form is correct. She should start working out; she's a little thin. I remember when I started archery—it was difficult at first and my shoulders and back were often sore, but a few trips to the gym fixed that.

As I exit the range, I find that my mentor, Krista, has arrived to her office early. I see her tapping away at a computer.

"I see that you're doing a nice job with teaching her," she says. She glances from the screen to me and gives me a brief smile.

"Well, yeah, I couldn't stand her sloppy form. Who is she anyway?" I retort.

"Emmy, she's new here. I think her family just moved and set up everything last week. She has a real passion for archery though. It was nice of you to just help her with that. She's suppose to be assigned to a teacher in two days." She looks back over to the screen. I see her scroll down, then click, type a few words.

"Well, I'm just going to head back now. It's already—" I check the clock on her shelf—"Eight-thirty-nine!" I have to go back. My mom is probably expecting me."

She nods. "Well, see you tomorrow then. I'll be giving you a skill test tomorrow, for your lesson."

I nod. It's not unusual for her to test me whimsically. It keeps me on an edge, and it's why I try to train every day.

"And for the tournament in a week, what round do you want to be put in?" she asks, just as I am walking out.

I turn to face her. "I don't know, you can choose for me. Just nothing short. I've never been good at the 14 meter."

"Then I'll put you in for the 55 meter." She types in something, clicks.

I feel my limbs stiffen up for a moment. Then I unclench. "Okay, well, take care," I say as I start to take my return home. She nods.

I trudge out slowly. I take my time getting to the car, then going back home. Tournaments, huh. I recall the Invitational just a few summers ago. I had placed second out of all. I can still remember my last shot, so clearly, so painfully.

_Fifty-five meters. _

_This is my best distance, my best round. And I finally got out of middle school. I'm going to be great, I'm going to be in high school once this summer is over!_

_Now focus, Kili. I stare at the yellow, perfect dot. So simple. So clean. I hold my bow, squeezing the dense wood affectionately. I knock back an arrow. I feel the shaft between my fingers, the stiff rustle of the feathers as a breeze blows by. _

_Suddenly, I see my mom in the corner of my eye. Is Fili with her? _No. _What did I expect anyway? He would never come to anything of mine. He only came to my graduation to appear as the 'good older brother' but he is nothing more than a dried husk to me. He's no longer a real, living person in my perspective, in my life. He left me._

_I feel some tears blur in my vision but I blink them away. I find that my hand is shaking. Everything is silent except for the wind rustling some foliage. A baby cries out and I can hear a bag of candy being opened. _

_Why is my hand shaking? I feel so…weak. I can barely hold back the arrow. In fact, my entire body is shaking. From what? The thought of my so-called brother? I need the points, I need a good score. If I just bulls-eye this, I can place first._

_I take a few deep breaths. I try and steady my hand. I'm still quivering a little when I released the arrow. _

_I watch it sail. Then—_

_It hits the red ring of the desired yellow target. I shake my head. Unbelievable. An eight. All I needed was a ten. A perfect, easy ten. I completely lost all my focus just from the thought of…Fili._

I remember going home enraged. Or sad. I can't remember. But I did remember that I had to train harder. Not only physically, but also mentally.

A hard knock interrupts me. Was I just sitting in the car, in the driveway this whole time? I see my mom, wrapped in a wool scarf, knocking on the window. She motions for me to hurry inside.

I unbuckle myself. I get out of the car and then I proceed into the house.

I will win this tournament this time. I won't just be a runner-up. And I won't lose any focus just because Fili is just loitering around in the back of my mind.

**Thanks for reading! Haha I hope it wasn't too infuriating this time. And yes, Jackie is suppose to be a hated OC, but shh…I never said hated. I wonder what you guys all view her as! I think in my mind, she's really pretty with an amazing body. She's a brunette with wavy hair, that is usually straightened, and she has caramel eyes and a structured face. Fili is suppose to be super attractive…so why not make him have a really hot girlfriend? *wink**

**Anyway, please review and favorite this bad boy up! Haha, and thanks for sticking around. It's only starting to get good…And I just want to say thank you to Krista, who has reviewed all of my chapters without fail! So thank you! And thanks, for all of my readers!**

**Well, until next Friday…**


	6. Chapter 6

I feel the bow string first. Then I feel the tip of the arrow and I run my fingers along the smooth feathers. The way the cold bites at my face is almost unbearable as I try to sling the bow, but my fingers slip around from all the accumulated sweat on my palm and fingers. I let go for a bit, letting the bow and arrow dangle from my hands for a bit as I wipe my face and neck with the sleeve of my other arm. This jacket is stuffy. The sun is almost blinding as it glances off of the pristine surface of the target board. Okay, I can do this. I have practiced as hard as I could for the past week. This is my best event.

The previous hour was a complete mess. My mom dropped me off but then said she had to leave for Fili and Jackie's wedding plans. It's already been around two hours, doing warm up and waiting for some of the younger kids to shoot around. I wish I brought more water, or at least had a napkin to wipe my hands off even though it's quite chilly. I had on a light jacket, so I'd be warm enough but yet I wouldn't restrict any movement.

The only plus side to this entire situation is that the guy who beat me out last time isn't here. That, and I've finally learned how to focus on what I do best and not think about Fili so much.

Right. Now, the task at hand. The 55 meter round. I have two more shots and it's over. I'm so far in the lead, but the person who comes behind me is unsettlingly close. If he nailed his last two shots, he might be able to beat me, just barely. I'm going to win this though, for sure. I can't have a repeat of coming in second when being the winner was so close at hand.

The entire concept is so simple yet the art is so elegant, so perfect. I just have to shoot this arrow so it hits the target in the middle. I think this is why I fell in love with archery. The simplicity and gracefulness of it. I reload the arrow onto my bow and I raise it up. I level it, steady it.

I shut one eye and try to clear my mind. This is what I'm meant to do. I inhale and hold my breath, feeling my rib cage expand comfortably. I hold it for a brief moment before exhaling while simultaneously letting the arrow fly.

I hold my breath for a brief moment as I watch the arrow zoom by, and then I stare at the target. Perfect. Ten easy points. I smile and calmly walk back to the waiting stands. I see a few jealous looks but I'm glad I got that over with. A feeling of relief comes over me, but I know my anxiety will come again when I have to go up for the next shot—the last shot.

I fiddle with my sweaty hands and jiggle my leg around. I can win this. I can do this. The entire thought of finally winning a tournament appealed to me so much, that I couldn't help but smile while everyone else was waiting, silent, almost grim. Just imagine how proud Uncle Thorin and Mom will be. _And Fili. _No, I can't think about him. Why am I thinking about Fili? He would never think about me.

Slowly the group of waiting people thins out. Some people return gleeful, others return with a hardened expression on their face. Archery is such a quiet sport. There is no cheering, shouting or jeering. It's strange how whether there are six or sixty people filling the stands, it still feels like you're alone. I feel like I'm alone. I'm the champion of solitude. I lost Hope and I lost my brother and I can feel myself slipping away from Mom and Uncle Thorin.

The person before me goes up to take his spot at the shooting range. It's so agonizing, just waiting and seeing him become stock-still. It's my turn next. It's also my last round. I wipe the sweat off of my hands, over and over again. I polish off my bow again and check my string. Well, everything seems in order.

I look out into the stands to rest my eyes a bit. Plus, it's fun to see all of the people holding their breaths and craning their heads for a view. There's a man with a bright red hat on, and a woman has an armload of brochures and some sort of heavy book.

Rapid movement catches my eye. I glance to my far right and I see a few ambiguous figures. A familiar pattern and color on a woman's jacket suddenly intrigues me though. Two figures come closer, dodging between people's les and blocking some views. As they come towards me to find a seat in the center, I suddenly realize who they are.

It's Mom and Fili. I can't help but smile when I realize…Fili kept his promise.

A solid _thud _brings me back to reality. I look at the scoreboard and I find that the person originally behind me now has no way of catching up to me; he completely bombed his last shot. It's a guaranteed win for me now.

Yet…why am I trembling? Even if I completely missed the target I'd win. I slowly walk up to my place before the line. I stare at the target. My knees are quivering and I'm wiping sweat off of my hands. Well, this is it then. I quickly load an arrow and close one eye. I aim. A fresh breeze blows my hair into my eyes, so my grip on the bow is loosened as I brush my hair out of the way. _This is for you, Fili._

FILI

I was in the middle of discussing plans for the wedding with Jackie when Dis comes in. she looks a little disheveled as she apologizes for her lateness.

I can't say that I was irritated, only mildly curious. "So where were you?" I ask her.

"I had to send you brother to his archery tournament."

My head snaps up as I suddenly lock eyes with her. "Kili has an archery tournament? Today?" I feel nauseated. Or anxious. I'm not sure what I felt that moment, but I just felt…_bad._

_ "_I have to go," I exclaim. The words simply just tumbled out of my mouth.

A moment of shocked silence followed. I glance over to Jackie, who's looking at me like I'm insane. My mother just looks surprised.

"What about your wedding plans?"

"I'll only be gone for an hour or two, right?" I retort.

She nods as a smile spreads on her face. "Alright. Jackie, do you want to come?"

"No thank you, I'll just finish this up here," she responds sweetly.

I nod. "Then let's go."

I grab my jacket and Dis and I hurry out of the door in a flash.

I find that we make it just in time to see Kili's last shot. As we settle down, I am stunned by the silence in the entire shooting range and the tension that came with it. A cold wind blows through and I hug my jacket to me.

I stare at him. I stare at his strong jawline, his dark hair and his cute pursed lips. He's so focused. I almost forget to breathe when admiring him.

He lets go of the arrow with a snap and it goes flying through the brisk air. It was perfect. It landed dead in the center. The sight of Kili smiling warmed my heart. He's so…radiant. So beautiful. It never struck me that he is always so glum around the house until he smiled a genuine smile right now.

I let myself fade out as the rest of the individuals had their turn. I had a gut feeling that Kili already won. I train my eyes on him; there it is again. The flush in his cheeks and his luscious hair ruffling in the air around. I appreciate his slim form and his narrow waist. Is he truly my brother? Can this lovely being be mine?

That's when he turns his head. We lock eyes. For a moment, my chest tightens. Then Kili looks away, his face turned to the ground.

There is so much pain behind his eyes. It's easy to tell he's lonely; he's an introverted figure amongst a crowd. What's making my dear brother so unhappy? It must be all my fault for neglecting him all those years, not even bothering to observe him and his life for just a moment. I'm so selfish. He used to be that annoying little brother I never cared for, but he's matured so much in such a short time and as a consequence, he's like a beautiful, gilded bird that I can watch but never touch. Or, maybe I'm just so afraid…that if I touch him, or get close to him, he might break. Kili is so…fragile now.

When the entire thing is over, Kili steps up for his trophy along with the runner up. After that, the people in the stands disperse as some of the crowd decides to go home and the rest remain to socialize.

Kili, Dis and I decide to return home. I thought Kili might stay to chat with his buddies but then I realized…

Anyway, I have to go back or else Jackie might get pissed at me for spending such a long time here, and not helping her out. We pile into the car and start the drive home.

I notice Kili's bow has been put into a case which he now cradles in his lap.

"Good job," I tell him.

"Thanks," he murmurs. He's barely audible. He toys with the trophy which is on the seat next to him. "Thanks for coming, Fili." He turns away as he says the last sentence and a deep blush pervades his cheeks.

"Well, it's not like I don't care about you." The minute those words left my mouth, I instantly regretted them. Now all I want to do is smack myself in the face.

I wait for Kili's response. _How am I this reckless, this impulsive? _I peek in the side mirrors at him and his head is bent down. He doesn't say a word.

KILI

Did he really just say that? _Well, it's not like I don't care about you. _I'm not sure whether to feel happy or angry and spiteful. He cares about me now. That's a plus. But he also didn't care for me those past years, and now he's saying these words to help my patch up my wounds from my childhood. And if he did care about me, why has he abandoned me so many times, always neglecting me when I needed him the most?

The rest of the trip home passed by silently as a stormy sea of thoughts rolled through my mind. There's no way he cares about me based on our past experiences. It's simply just too much to hope for.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

**I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE CHAPTERS. THANKS TO ALL WHO HAVE REVIEWED.**

Feeling _great _wasn't even close to what I felt the next day; I feel like I am on top of the world! Winning a tournament, just winning, is so amazing. It's strange to look back to those nervous moments with such a great feeling in my chest. My sweaty palms and shaky knees are just minute details now.

I push myself out of bed and pull on a tee shirt and shorts off the ground. I barrel downstairs and I start to make my way over to the kitchen, where I can already smell eggs cooking and bread becoming all golden and toasty.

My face feels strange. It feels…tight. I touch my cheeks, then my lips.

For the first time in a while…I'm…smiling? It feels weird, but good at the same time. I relish the feeling in my cheeks, in my mouth before I proceed to breakfast.

"Good morning, Kili," Mom says. I wonder if she notices anything. I feel so light, so carefree. I'm happy. That's one emotion I haven't felt in a long time.

She puts down a plate full of warm food in front of me. I pour myself a glass of juice before digging in.

Mom doesn't even comment on anything. She tells me that I have to go and wake up my _brother, _Fili, and Jackie. I felt a strange pit open up in my stomach. I try to tell myself that I'm just hungry but I'm also…what? Disappointed? I immediately start to bash my thoughts around. It's my fault anyway for being so glum, right? I'm just so hopeless. I feel like I'm trapped in the shadows while the rest of the world is so brightly shining. Who would notice anything about me anyway.

I pick at my plate of food before Mom tells me to go and wake up my brother and Jackie. _My brother. _I glumly nod and put my fork back down, letting it _clink _onto the clean, smooth white plate before moving. I trudge to the steps.

A few seconds ago I was happy but now I just feel like…spending my day in bed and not moving. My feet thump against the sturdy stairs as I start my way up. I run my hand along the thick wallpaper. I swat a plush curtain and then I march up to the guest room, where both my brother and his fiancé are.

There's a muffled giggle and then a gasp. I hear someone whispering. I didn't mean to hear them, but now I have. Should I still call them down? Or do I stand up here, right before the door frozen until my muscles start burning? Do I hesitantly knock on their door? But then they'd know I was standing there, listening in on their private life. They'd think it was intentional and that I'm some creep but _I just wand to tell them breakfast is ready!_

My mind is spinning and my body is trembling. Everything was okay not even half an hour ago. I was even smiling. Now I just feel uneasy and nervous. Almost embarrassed.

Then my worst nightmare happens.

The door suddenly swings open. I see sky-blue covers being dragged on the floor. Ugh. Mortified doesn't even make a dent in what I am feeling. I suddenly wish that I could turn into a statue or somehow, I have been invisible for the past few years of my life and no one can actually see me.

I don't even bother looking past the door and into the room. Who knows what horrors might lay in there. Instead, I find myself training my eyes on the covers. I somehow know there's a naked Fili being covered up. We're both silent, shocked.

My eyes somehow trace their way up to gloss over his torso. His hip bones are so defined. His stomach is softly chiseled and he's furry in all the right parts. His chest is like a God's and his arms and hands, which are tightly clutching the blanket, are simply…beautiful. Since when was Fili so muscular, so perfect? He's like one of those statues in a fancy Roman or Greek art museum, only breathing, living…

_My brother. _He's my brother. And I've come here to tell him breakfast is ready. I keep my head down as I mutter to him eggs and toast are on the table.

I dash to my room and fetch my bow. I'm out the door.

FILI

Jackie must be the divinity of full lips, an enticing body and dirty talking. We had a romp this morning which was kind of against my will but her seducing powers are too great. She's so passionate and wild, it makes my heart (and nether regions, yes) throb. When I look into her eyes, I see everything there. I see the sparks, the passion, the funny, bright girl I fell in love with when I first walked into the lecture hall.

But.

There's passion. There are spontaneous moments in our relationship that make us giddy. We are affectionate for each other. But where's the friendship? Our mutual bond? The pang in our hearts from missing each other while we're separated? Where's the…

I lay in bed with Jackie whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I tell her that I have to use the bathroom and I hop out, pulling the covers with me to hide my bareness.

When I open the door, I see Kili. He looks a little perkier, but not entirely happy. I suddenly realize that he's not the boy from ten years ago. His sullen figure at my doorway…tugged at my heart. He mutters something that I'm not quite able to catch and then he dashes away.

I am so incredibly confused.

I stand there, not sure what to do before finally heading to the bathroom.

When I get back. I see she has pulled on one of my shirts. She's hugging a pillow.

"Who was that? Kyle?"

"_Kili. _Yes, it was him." It irks me that she doesn't know his name.

"What did he want?"

"I'm actually not sure. Something about toast." I walk over to her and shake out the comforters a bit before putting them back onto the bed. I crawl over to her and wrap an arm around her waist.

"Ugh, he's probably just snooping around and stuff. He's like one of those pervy teenage boys, right?"

Her eyes are glimmering and a cocky half-smile sits upon her beautiful face. I can't tell if she's being serious or just joking around though.

I'm not sure how to respond but some words slip out of my mouth, like a stream of silky, bad tasting oil that I just want to spew out. "Kili isn't like that. He's not pervy at all."

She cocks her eyebrow at me, daring me to say more.

"Kili…he's a good kid. He's been through a lot so please don't push him or anything. I think he's been hurt enough."

She scoffs, but doesn't say anything else. For some reason, it feels like I've been punched in the chest or something, it makes me angry that…that…Jackie…doesn't like Kili?

KILI

I ran all the way to the archery range with my bow bobbing everywhere, hitting my shins.

I don't think I can ever face them again. They probably think I was trying to creep on them doing _it. _

By the time I reach my destination, I'm completely out of breath. I rest for a bit with my bow and hands on my knees before entering.

I see my instructor at the front desk, chatting with a parent.

"Hi Krista," I call out to her.

She turns around to give me a brief smile. "Good morning Kili. Good job on the tournament." She then turns back to whoever she's talking to. It must be someone important. I feel a little rejected, but I know she's just dutifully doing her job.

I make my way to the range grabbing a basket of arrows with me. I do my usual warm up of just shooting around. The range is almost empty. There is a little boy with his instructor. A few older guys are messing around in the corner. At the far end, I see a familiar figure.

Is that Em? I tentatively walk over casually as if I'm just going to shoot as some different targets. As I get closer I do realize it's her. I stop a few targets away from her and I start to practice, keeping an eye out for her. She's definitely improved since the last time I saw her.

I keep one eye shit now as I load my bow and aim. I'm just about to let go when I feel someone pounce on me.

No doubt it's Emmy. Her wild sunlight hair falls over my arm as I peer into the most stunning set of eyes.

"Hi!" she says, all dimply. I think my heart just skipped a beat. _What is this…feeling? Why was I so enticed to see her?_

"H-hi," I mutter out. I give her a smile, a forced one. I tried to replicate the feeling in my cheeks that I just had this morning. However, it probably just looks like grimace.

I think she starts laughing at my failed attempt of seeming cheerful. "So what's up then? I'm just practicing, so I'm guessing you are too?"

"Yeah," I glumly say. I am here to practice but more so…to escape from the events this morning.

Emmy is silent, giving me a steady gaze.

"What?" I ask her. She's making me feel a tad uneasy.

She just shakes her head. "Nothing. I mean…" she pauses. "You always look kind of sad."

I'm just on an emotional roller coaster this morning. I'm shocked. How can she read me so easily when the people closest to me never seem to suspect a thing? Well, I do try to keep my inner feeling locked away; I try to not feel them, mask every bottled up emotion, but yet, Emmy caught onto everything.

I can only respond with a sigh. She grabs me by my arm and tugs me to a resting bench nearby. "Tell me" Em quietly says to me.

Should I shake my head? I've never opened up to anyone before. I'm afraid that if I slip a little piece of me out, everything pent up will come whooshing out and it won't be like 'a burden off of my shoulders'. If I tell someone everything I'll feel exposed and weak. The only person I've trusted was Hope and now she's gone. My eyes start to heat up and grow moist at the thought of her and the fact that…she'll never be with me again.

I could always keep it shallow though. That could provide some cover for the underlying anguish.

"This morning was pretty rough," I tell her and I keep it at that.

Emmy cocks her head to one side in disbelief, giving a menacing yet quizzical look. She doesn't push the subject though. I start to stand up.

A hand forcefully drags me back down. "I can see everything in your eyes. Anyone could. So why…are you so sad? Really." I look at her, and see now her eyes look serious. They look like one solid shade of crustal blue.

"I don't want to talk about," I murmur.

I'm expecting her to push me. I've felt so _surrounded _all my life. Fili this, Fili that. Get better grades. Go to sleep earlier. Stop messing around. But she doesn't say anything; Emmy just wraps an arm around me.

Someday though. Someday, I hope that I tell someone how much everything hurts.

**AN: I'm really sorry for posting like, super late. I'll be starting school next week L but I'll try to post every few weeks. I'm sorry sorry sorry guys. Uggghhhh schooool.**


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